


Play it by Ear

by SuicideMonday



Category: Homestuck
Genre: AUish?, It's all in your head, M/M, Sadstuck?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-12-05
Updated: 2012-12-05
Packaged: 2017-11-20 08:50:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,276
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/583480
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SuicideMonday/pseuds/SuicideMonday
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>There was a world he wanted to be happy in.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Play it by Ear

**Author's Note:**

> First time posting on AO3! Oh god, I haven't written fanfiction in a really long time so I apologize for any awkward language/format. This has been sitting on my desktop for a few months though so I figure I should post and regret later! ^ ^;;

 

**Play it by Ear**

 

_And each dream has the same path_

_That it’s hard not to repeat_

 

“Happy birthday old chap!”  
  
Jake pushes the gift towards you, barely concealed excitement all over his face. You roll your eyes at his enthusiasm, his desire to turn this day into the “most positively smashing day of your life!” as Jake had so eloquently put it. Your amber eyes are concealed behind pointy shades that never leave your face and you allow yourself to internally savor this moment even if you kept your features stoic. You take in Jake’s joyful aura that you hate to admit is infectious.  
  
Tearing through the haphazardly wrapped multicolor paper that covered your gift, your fingers make contact with cloth and you pull out a bright orange hat.

 

For some reason, this gift strikes a chord within you that you weren’t expecting, you stare at it slowly as Jake proceeds to talk.  
  
“I know how much you fancy these pieces of headwear.”

 

YOUR NAME IS DIRK STRIDER and you’re having the oddest sense of déjà vu. Sitting in a backend pizza parlor next to your best bro, you feel like you’ve done this before- sat through this conversation and received this exact same hat. The feeling almost makes you dizzy and you want to push it away but it pushes back just as hard and you wonder what it’s trying to tell you.

 

“---w you don’t approve of making a big deal about the anniversary of your birth but thank you for humoring my wishes to take my best bro out on his birthday.”  
  
You snap out of it, realizing that if you lingered on these feelings any longer, they would pull you in and you had no intention of drowning in the middle of a cheap pizza parlor.

 

Your remaining pizza was growing cold, stiff cheese and lukewarm tomato paste. The grease stains on the paper plates had already sunk in and were attacking the table.

 

There was something about this hat that pulled at every empty memory in your brain. Each box it pulled open in your head left more questions but your happiness was telling you to ignore it.

 

You trace the stitching of the baseball cap with your thumb. You have a pile of hats in your room, one that Jake obviously knows about, but you already know that this one will have a special spot next to your bed. You still fight the obsessive compulsive urges to keep your hair completely perfect at all times and it’s the only thing that stops you from trying it on. You look back to Jake and realize he’s still smiling at you, emerald eyes glowing with that you want to describe as fondness.

 

You crack your first full smile of the evening, muttering your thanks as you toss the crumpled wrapping paper in the trash. Your face automatically shifts to a more familiar grin as you speak.

 

“It’s hard to ignore someone incessantly banging on my apartment door at 10am. Besides, this is better than last year when you insisted on those cheap birthday cone hats and managed to hide confetti poppers all over my room. That shit took months to get rid of.”

 

Jake spun in his chair, frowning at memories of how un-amused you were with last year’s ‘surprise’. He picked up the stale remains of your pizza and cleared them off of the table. Hopping off the stool, you watch as he wipes the grease off his hands and looks towards the door.

 

“Want to get out of here?”

 

_I’ll create my own memories_

_Fill the pages with the perfect ending_

 

 

What birthday would be complete without a movie marathon?

 

At least, in Jake’s mind.

 

You already knew there were at least 19 DVDs in his backpack. The sounds of cheap plastic hitting each other followed the rhythm of his bouncy steps as the two of you made your way back to your apartment. Jake is always racing ahead, waving at you to ‘Hurry your arse up! There’s adventures waiting around the corner!’ You’re more of a leisurely walker but you don’t want to be dragged all the way back home so you pick up you pace. As cute as it would be to see Jake tug at your arm like an energetic puppy, you don’t think you could handle being pulled all the way uphill.

 

Jake pops a DVD in and hits play the moment he’s through your front door.

 

It’s an action comedy that you don’t really care for, but watch nonetheless. Your eyes wander to Jake as he catches your stare and shoots another smile at you. He quickly turns back to the movie, sucked into the world of exploding cars and drawn out chase scenes. Between the movies and the cheesy lines, you drift closer to Jake, shifting your body to stay comfortable. Before you know it, your shoulders are touching and Jake is looking at you again, _really_ looking at you and it might just be the heat of the moment-

but  you bring your face closer to his and lean in.

 

His lips meet yours and you feel your face heat slightly. Whatever movie was playing is being forgotten. You’re quick to probe your tongue against his lips, silently asking to take this chaste kiss a step further. Snaking your hand up his neck to tangle your fingers in his hair, you pull away slightly to adjust angles. You can feel his hands on your leg, trying to pull you closer and everything about his actions scream that he wants more as well.

  
And goddamnit, you’ve wanted this; you’ve wanted _him_ , for years now.  
  
And as your happiness soars, the world around you suddenly disappears.

 

You’re no longer in your bedroom, and Jake is nowhere to be seen.

 

Everything around you is pitch black and you wonder what on earth is going on.

 

“You’re living in a fantasy world Mr. Strider. Who knew the Prince of Hearts was such a _coward.”_

 

The words leave you cold.

 

You’re assaulted by conflicting memories.

 

The pizza parlor by your apartment complex has been underwater even before you were born.  
  
You had never met Jake before entering the game.  
  
You never celebrated your birthday with him.  
  
You never confessed your feelings.

 

You never did find out if he ever felt more than friendship towards you.

 

It all comes rushing back to you.

 

Sburb.

 

The game they entered.

 

Roxy.

 

Jane.

 

_Jake._

 

Charming, innocent Jake who left too soon.

 

Everyone was getting close to his or her respective quest beds. You remember the adrenalin in your system. Everything was going according to plan and suddenly it wasn’t.  
  
There are fits of insane laugher all around you. You can’t discern if they are coming from the darkness or inside your own head.

 

You slam your hands against your ears, trying to block out all the noise.

 

“How long are you going to keep playing this game Mr. Strider?”

 

 

No.

 

 

You don’t know what to accept anymore.  
  
You were sitting in your room with Jake.

 

This… _voice_ , these cold walls, it was all just a bad dream.  
  
 _You can’t keep running away Mr. Strider._

You hesitate to pull your hands away when the ringing in your head seems to be fading away.

 

Everything goes funny and you can’t place your left from your right.  
  
What were you doing again?

 

You close your eyes and just as quickly you’re assaulted by the smell of pizza. You open your eyes and see Jake smiling back at you, face barely concealing his excitement.  
  
“Happy Birthday old chap!”

 

_I wish my fantasy were my reality._

**Author's Note:**

> Hopefully I can get back into writing and put out a decent piece of work. XD I have a few drabbles and unfinished stories sitting around that may make their way onto this site. Thanks for reading and I hope you enjoyed! <3


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